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People Styles at Work... .And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Rel |  |
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People Styles at Work... .And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Rel | |
Robert Bolton and Dorothy Grover Bolton (Cazenovia, N.Y) are co-founders of Ridge Associates, which specializes in people skills training, leadership development, interpersonal communication, and performance management. Their training and coaching clients include many Fortune 500 companies and executives. They are the authors of Social Style, Management Style.
At work, and in other spheres of life, how well you relate with others affects your ability to get things done. What you may not realize is that all people exhibit one of several different behavioral “styles,” which determine how they think, make decisions, communicate, manage time and stress, and deal with conflict. By understanding which “people style” you’re dealing with, you can establish rapport with someone more easily, become more persuasive, and avoid miscommunication and the possibility of rubbing someone the wrong way.
People Styles at Work . . . And Beyond reveals the strengths and weaknesses of each style, includes a self-assessment for determining which style you are, and presents a proven approach you can use to: identify the best ways to work with others based on their body language and behavior • recognize how you come across to coworkers • make small adjustments that will dramatically increase the quality and productivity of your interactions • find common ground with different people • relate less defensively and more effectively—no matter how others act.
Now including all new material on personal relationships, parenting, and more, this is the ultimate guide that has helped hundreds of thousands of people make even their most difficult relationships much more productive and pleasant.
Advance Praise for People Styles at Work . . . And Beyond:
“People Styles at Work…And Beyond unlocks the secrets to understanding yourself and others—the key to successful leadership!” — Marshall Goldsmith, New York Times and Wall Street Journal #1 best-selling author of What Got You Here Won’t Get You There
“Practical tips for improving relationships with anyone from your identical twin to your total opposite. The authors make proven theories about human interactions accessible for anyone to use.”— John Zenger, coauthor of the best-selling The Extraordinary Leader and cofounder of Zenger | Folkman
“The first edition of this book was a brilliant and original contribution to our understanding of human behavior. . . . [This] new edition further deepens our understanding of the fundamentals of human relationships. Before your next important meeting with someone whose style is different from your own—and that would be most everyone—I strongly recommend you read, and put to use, this book.”
— Jim Kouzes, coauthor of the best-selling The Leadership Challenge
Robert Bolton and Dorothy Grover Bolton are cofounders of Ridge Associates, which specializes in people skills training, leadership development, interpersonal communication, and performance management. Their training and coaching clients include many Fortune 500 companies and executives. They are also the authors of Social Style, Management Style. They live in both Cazenovia, New York, and Amelia Island, Florida.
CONTENTS
Introduction 1
PART ONE: Understanding Yourself and Others
1 No Wonder We Have People Problems 7
2 People Are More Predictable than You Might Think 16
3 What’s Your Style? 24
4 Two Keys to Understanding People 28
5 See Yourself as Others See You 38
6 The Driving Style and the Expressive Style 43
7 The Amiable Style and the Analytical Style 54
8 Make the Most of Your Gifts 63
9 Backup Styles: Extreme, Inappropriate, and Inflexible Behavior 72
10 Coping with Backup Behavior 82
PART TWO: Style Flex: A Key to Improved Relationships
11 The Style Flex Solution to People Differences 91
12 Four Steps to Better Relationships 99
13 How to Identify Someone’s Style 107
14 Flexing in Special Situations 117
15 Three Keys to Good Relationships 127
PART THREE: People Styles and Family Relationships
16 The Art of Loving Someone Very Different from Yourself 137
17 Style-Based Parenting 147
APPENDICES
I For Amiables Only: How to Flex to Each Style 155
II For Drivers Only: How to Flex to Each Style 169
III For Expressives Only: How to Flex to Each Style 187
IV For Analyticals Only: How to Flex to Each Style 202
Bibliography 219
Index 225
INTRODUCTION
BOTH AT WORK and at home, success and happiness depend on relating
to others across a chasm of significant differences. If you could figure out
how to bridge the gap between yourself and others, you could make your
life—and theirs—much easier, happier, and more productive. How to do
that is what this book is about.
The differences between people are a major source of friction. For example,
our friend Michelle does everything in a rush. She walks fast,
talks fast, decides fast. And she completes projects in a flurry. As luck
would have it, she’s often teamed with John, who is very deliberate.
John walks slowly, talks slowly, decides slowly. Although these differences
may not seem like a big deal, if they’re not managed well they’re
likely to erode Michelle’s and John’s working relationship. You’ve undoubtedly
seen how differences like these can undermine cooperation,
hamper performance, and add considerable stress to people’s lives.
This book shows how you can manage those kinds of differences in
ways that enhance your relationships, increase your productivity, and add
richness and spice to your life. It’s about making people differences work
for, rather than against, you.
……
