网友对Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead的评论
在TED上看过做着的演讲(the power of vulnerability),就开始找brene的书。这本书写的很好,分析得很透彻。还有把她的其他书也买上!纸质个方面也很好。
好挺不错的啊 好书 外教推荐的
Last week I was sitting outside a coffee shop reading a book on my kindle when a youngish guy walked by carrying a coffee and a computer, looking for a place to sit.
Since all of the tables were occupied and he was looking a bit displaced, I offered him a seat at my table. Relieved, he sat down and expressed his gratitude. I promptly went back to my reading but I could feel his eyes boring into me as I anticipated the dreaded question.
"What are you reading?" he finally blurted.
Now I know this is neither a profound nor earth-shattering inquiry but there were two problems at hand here.
One, I'm terrible at summarizing books. Just awful. (Which you're about to discover.) There's just something about the vast amount of information that I'm pressured to wrap into one or two sentences that completely overwhelms and paralyzes me.
And two, I was reading a book about shame and vulnerability. Which ironically, I was ashamed to admit for fear of being vulnerable. Clearly, I had just started reading the book.
Part of me was tempted to lie to youngish guy by replying, "oh, it's just some silly novel."
But then it occurred to me how shameful it would be to lie about reading a book about shame and vulnerability instead of just being vulnerable. Besides, as I'm sure it's obvious--I could use the practice.
"I'm reading Daring Greatly by Brené Brown. It's about shame and vulnerability and how shame can truly only dissipate by allowing yourself to be vulnerable", I quickly blurted.
Allowing myself to be vulnerable led Patrick and I into a conversation for the next hour. Patrick, if you're reading this, c'était une joie pour vous rencontrer. (If this is wrong I blame Google translate.)
This moment of unabashed vulnerability with Patrick was the beginning of a major shift in my life. And I have Daring Greatly to thank for that.*
I've always been one to be honest and open but Brene Brown's writing in Daring Greatly takes openness to another level.
She reinforces what I've known all along but been afraid of admitting--that vulnerability leads to happiness. Or as Brown calls it, "wholeheartedness".
And I, and maybe you too, could damn well use some wholeheartedness in my life.
We're living in a culture of `never enough'. I'm certainly feeling it. Are you? I never work hard enough, I don't help others enough, I'm not successful enough, I don't eat healthy enough... and on and on.
These thoughts of `never enough' turn into feelings of shame and fear. How do we combat shame and fear? By being vulnerable and expressing gratitude, according to Brené Brown. And now, according to me.
Following Brene's advice and expertise garnered through her research and life stories, truly does work.
It was the reading of Daring Greatly that prompted me to finally divulge my long kept secret of my history with an eating disorder; which wound up being my highest trafficked blog post of all time. As Brown explains, we're drawn to other's vulnerability but repelled by our own.
Are you living with shame? Do you always feel an underlying itch of `never enough'? Do you find yourself disconnecting from people you love? If any of these questions ring true then I hope you'll read this book for yourself. Even if they don't ring true, read this book. It truly is a game changer.
Buy It Right. This. Minute. Sit your butt down for an hour, and start reading. I promise you won't want to stop. I promise.Then come back to me and practice your newfound vulnerability. I'll appreciate and love every drop of the real you. And eventually, you will too. That's the truth.
[...]
*If you'll note the vulnerability here in that I'm attempting to review a book, despite my fear of reviewing books.
"Vulnerability is not weakness," writes Brown. In fact, "Vulnerability is the the core, the heart, the center of meaningful human experiences." Without vulnerability, there can be no love, there can be no achievement, there can be no greatness. Unfortunately, instead of developing skills of vulnerability, we too frequently develop armoring techniques. We spend all our energy avoiding getting hurt, avoiding shame. But there's no surer way to not feel loved, not feel connected, not be fulfilled, than to practice the avoidance of vulnerability.
Brown is a vulnerability researcher. She sees vulnerability as the prerequisite to living what she calls the "Wholehearted life." The Wholehearted life is one of deep attachment to others, our environment, and our work. It's a life of being "really there," of being willing to fail. No one can avoid being actually vulnerable. We all are vulnerable every moment of our lives -- though some times more than others. But if we run from it, we lose.
Here's how she breaks it down:
1. Love and belonging is an irreducible need. We all need it.
2. Those who feel a deep sense of love and belonging... feel loveable. They believe they are worthy of being loved.
3. A strong belief in our worthiness doesn't just happen. It must be cultivated.
4. The main concern of Wholehearted men and women is living a life defined by courage, compassion, and connection.
3. The Wholehearted identify vulnerability as the catalyst for courage, compassion, and connection. The willingness to be vulnerable is the single most important factor shared among the Wholehearted.
It comes down to this: If we don't embrace vulnerability, we are destined to live a lonely, detached, unfulfilling life. But if we learn to embrace it in the right way, we can live a life of joy and connection. The crux is to understand that we are worthy of love. From the standpoint of this sense of worthiness, we are then able to open ourselves to one another and to the work that is before us.
A look at the table of contents gives a clearer picture of the argument of Daring Greatly:
- What It Means to Dare Greatly
- Introduction: My Adventures in the Arena
1. Scarcity: Looking Inside Our Culture of "Never Enough"
2. Debunking the Vulnerability Myths
3. Understanding and Combatting Shame
4. The Vulnerability Armory
5. Mind the Gap: Cultivating Change and Closing the Disengagement Divide
6. Disruptive Engagement: Daring to Rehumanize Education and Work
7. Wholehearted Parenting: Daring to Be the Adults We Want Our Children to Be
- Final Thoughts
- Appendix -- Trust in Emergence: Grounded Theory and My Research Process
- Practicing Gratitude
Daring Greatly doesn't focus on the area of love and relationships, but it offers invaluable tools for deepening our love partnerships. For going deeper into vulnerability in the context of a romantic relationship, check out The Couple's Survival Workbook: What You Can Do To Reconnect With Your Partner and Make Your Marriage Work by Olsen and Stephens. More generally, if you're interested in Browne's concept of Wholehearted living -- the contextual framework of Daring Greatly -- check out The Gifts of Imperfection.
Daring Greatly is highly recommended as a primer for those who wish to step into the place they truly belong -- it's a place prepared for each person, but it has to be worked for. It's not altogether easy, but it's deeply relieving to understand that this essential skill is not about simply stepping out under a hail of deadly arrows. It's about leaving behind lonely and fearful self-interest, having courage that deeper connection eagerly awaits us.
I was so looking forward to listening to this book on CD while driving. I put it on this morning and was so disappointed to hear it was being read by someone other than Brene' Brown. I realize now it said that on the description, but hadn't noticed when I ordered it. Most of what I've gotten from Brene' Brown's lectures on Ted Talks comes from her delivery, humor, experience, and knowledge. Having someone else read her words without those things makes it really difficult to listen to. Nothing against the reader, she'd be fine for fiction or whatever, but this is Brene's Brown's experience and message and not having it conveyed in her voice loses the impact and so much of the interest and content of her words. I was bored in the first minute with the sing-song reading of this important book. Before the end of the first CD, it turned into background noise and I'm not even hearing it. You can't have someone else tell this story and expect it to have the same impact. I may have to buy the book, but wanted this for a long drive I had planned. Love the words, just not hearing it from someone other than the author.
If you're not already familiar with Dr. Brown's work, you should definitely check out her three TED talks on Youtube or TED.com. Her videos are among the 10 most viewed TED talks of all time, and those will give you a great introduction to her work.
I was able to obtain an advance copy of Daring Greatly, and have also read Dr. Brown's other two books and her clinical curriculum. Daring Greatly is, I think, her strongest work to-date. It breaks down the core elements of vulnerability (which is NOT weakness), and how allowing ourselves to be open and vulnerable opens us to levels of creativity, connection, and joy that we would never otherwise be able to find. It also covers her earlier works on shame and how shame (which all of us have, and the less we talk about it, the more we have it) impacts our ability to be open and vulnerable, but also how it can numb us and prevent us from being able to experience emotion fully. Daring Greatly (and all of Dr. Brown's work) is based entirely on her academic research; she states in the book that she is not comfortable talking about topics unless backed by solid research, and that's a refreshing change from most other authors in the self-help/pop psychology field.
The book has appeal to multiple audiences; there are sections relating to vulnerability in the workplace, in relationships, in art, expression, and creativity, and, perhaps most importantly for many of us, in raising our children. Each chapter of the book builds on earlier chapters and makes a strong case for taking steps to be more open and vulnerable ourselves. It also speaks to the impact of numbing (the opposite of vulnerability) in popular culture, and the effect of social media, reality television, and other external influences on our self-numbing behaviors.
One of the reasons the book speaks to me so strongly is the openness and vulnerability with which Dr. Brown speaks of her own experiences. She's clear in describing herself as "a great mapmaker and a stumbling traveler" and I think it the descriptions of her own struggles with vulnerability that make the book so accessible and relatable.
While not a "how-to" book, Daring Greatly clearly describes the problems that shame and lack of vulnerability create, and how they come about, so that we can work to adapt our behaviors and learn to live more fully, vulnerability, and wholeheartedly.
Finally, for the scientific minded, Dr. Brown has included a lengthy and detailed appendix in which she describes her research methodology and the fundamentals of Grounded Theory research, the most rigorous and complicated of the qualitative research protocols. It's pretty technical, but if anyone has questions about the methodology, rigor, or valildity of the research upon which her books are based should find ample detail and explanation.
I have no financial or other ties Dr. Brown or her work, but I am passionate in believing that her work in shame resilience and vulnerability could make an enormous difference to society if it were more widely discussed.
This is one of my favorite books of all time. I love it and it has affected the way I see the world, but I do NOT like this reader. It doesn't feel like she understands the concept contained in this book. It's really hard to get past the way she reads and listen to the true content of the book. If you want to really dive into the information Brene Brown is sharing, please pick up the hard copy. It's amazing.
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