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托福写作中避免句子冗长的三大法宝
应试类写作，时间一般都比较紧张，时间再紧，也要留出两三分钟的时间把文章通读一遍，进行必要的修改。不要说我们初学写作的人，就是大作家写完一个章节或一部小说后都要反复读上几遍。在限时、紧张的写作中，出现错误，尤其是语言上的错误是不可避免的。如果把这些错误留在那里，不得到改正，就会影响整篇文章的质量。阅卷人虽然不大会按你文章中语言错误的累计数目进行扣分，但错误，尤其是一些幼稚的错误，会给阅卷人员留下不好的印象，从而影响文章的分数。
那么修改应注意哪些方面呢?从结构方面来说：(1)看一看中心思想是不是突出?文章中有论述和材料是否都围绕着这个中心思想展开?如发现个别句子或例子游离于中心思想之外，甚至与中心思想发生冲突，就应把它从文章中去掉。(2)看一看段与段之间，句与句之间是否连贯?衔接是否自然，或给人一种断裂、跳跃的感觉?如发现这种情况，就要加一个句子或一些词，或改变一下说法，以求文章的连贯。
但就修改来说，是主要还是放在语言上，即语法和词汇上。以下各例中，a)表示错误的或不宜提倡的句子，b)表示正确的或值得模仿的句子。
1.动词谓语的时态是否有错
例 1 a) We college students had enough time to take a parttime job, no matter how busy we were ...
b) We college students have enough time to take a parttime job, no matter how busy we are ...
命题作文一般都是议论文，而写议论文一般都是用现在时态。只有举例，提到过去的事才会用到过去时。
例 2 a) Riding bicycles had more advantages than taking a bus.
b) Riding bicycles had more advantages than taking a bus.
考生中用过去时写作与他们教材课文体裁(大多为叙述文、说明文)和平时写作练习(大多写个人经历的故事)有关，也与他们过度概括有关，认为所有文章都用过去时。
例 3 a) There are so many countries using English that it had been regarded as an international language.
b) There are so many countries using English that it has been regarded as an international language.
在论述同一事情，即发生在同一时间里的事时，前后半句或相邻的几句在时态上要保持一致。
2.主语和谓语，名词和代词，以及人称是否保持一致
例 4 a) The eating habit of Chinese people have changed in the past decade.
b) The eating habit of Chinese people has changed in the past decade.
不管主语和谓语隔开多远，主语当中还有修饰成分，谓语要和真正的主语在数上保持一致。
例 5 a) Now fruits and vegetables can be seen everywhere when it is in season.
b) Now fruits and vegetables can be seen everywhere when they are in season.
例 6 a) I feel proud to come to our university.
b) I feel proud to come to this university
our和主语 I不一致，或把 our改成 my，或改成 this。而这里用 this 较妥。
3.修饰语是否放在正确的位置上
例 7 a) Without television, people can't get information which comes from other parts of the world immediately.
b) Without television, people can't immediately get information which comes from other parts of the world.
a) 句子，immediately 显然放错了位置。是“得到迅速从各地传来的消息”，还是“迅速得到从各地传来的消息”?意思含糊不清。
例 8 a) At the age of six, my father began to give me English lessons.
b) When I was five years old, my father began to give me English lessons.
a) 句子，At the age of six 放在这个位置上，变成了“我父亲六岁的时候”。改变说法，可以解决这个问题。
例 9 a) To improve one's writing skill. regular practice is necessary.
b) To improve one's writing skill, one must make regular practice.
不定式短语的逻辑主语决不是regular practice，为了把逻辑关系表达清楚，要么把不定式短语改成If one wants to improve his writing skill，要么把主句改成one must make regular practice.
4.表示相同的意思，是否用了平行语法结构
例 10 a) With the computer, one can do shopping, banking and read at home.
b) With the computer, one can do shopping, banking and reading at home.
can do shopping, banking and read at home, 用语法平行结构来衡量，用动词原形 read是不妥的，为了和 do shopping, do banking 保持结构上平行，接下来的一个内容要用do reading.
例 11 a) Nowadays, people not only eat enough food, but also eat better.
b) Nowadays, people not only eat more, but also eat better.
用 not only...but also, both...and, whether...or, either...or, as well as, along with等能连接两个成分的连词，前后两个成分在结构上要保持一致。用 eat enough food, eat better不如用 eat more, eat better，都用副词。
例 12 a) Participating in sports is good for our physical health, and through it we can also train our character.
b) Participating in sports is good for our physical health, and it is also beneficial to our character-training.
在说同样的事时，相邻的句子尽可能在语法结构上保持一致。
5.用代词时，指代是否清楚
例13 a) Sometimes teachers will inform students of the heavy burden they have to bear.
b) Sometimes a teacher will inform students of the heavy burden he has to bear.
they 即可指代teachers, 也可指代 students，明显的是指代不清。其实只要把其中一个名词变成单数，用he和 they分别代不同的名词，就清楚了。因为 a teacher也可泛指所有教师。
例14 a) Someone believes that the teacher's task is to give students knowledge, which may not be true.
b) Someone believes that the teacher's task is to give students knowledge, a notion which may not be true.
which指代什么不清楚，指 knowledge，还是指前面整个句子?如果指 Someone believes，最好用 a notion或an idea归纳一下整个句子的意思，然后引出从句。
例15 a) People have been fighting against the influence of TV commercials, but it often proves useless.
b)People have been fighting against the influence of TV commercials, but the effort often proves useless.
it 指什么?如指influence，则在 it often proves useless 这个句子中显然不通。写作人知道it指人们的努力，但effort 这个词前面没有出现过，就不能用it。
6.相邻的句子，是否避免了不必要的结构转变
例16 a) While we reuce the number of vehicles, the speed of traffic can be increased.
b) While the number of vehiles is reduced, the speed of traffic is increased.
两个非常相关的意思，不要一个使用主动结构，一个使用被动结构。
例17 a) Each of us may take a parttime job to help support ourselves, but if you spend too much time on it, your study will be affected.
b) Each of us may take a parttime job to help support ourselves, but too much time spent on it, our studies will be affected.
前半句用each of us和ourselves，后半句却用you和 your study，应一致起来。
7.可数名词与不可数名词是否用得正确
例18 a) TV presents us with many useful informations.
b) TV presents us with a lot of useful information
还有evidence, advice, knowledge等都是不可数名词，都不能用复数。另外， many, a great number of, another, few 等只能与可数名词配用。而a great amount of, a great deal of, less, much, 等应与不可数名词配用。
例19 a) Making our cities greener is not an easy work.
b) Making our cities greener is not an easy job.
work 用作可数名词是“作品”这类意思，而表示“工作”时，不可数。同样，在 Word has been sent out that those who cheat on exams will be punished.这个句子中，要用单数word表示“信息”。
例20 a)Each people has his own opportunities.
b) Each person has his own opportunities.
people作“人民”、“人们”解时，是集体名词，不能与each配用。 a people或 peoples表示民族、国家。在正式语体中也不能说 less people，而应说 few people。
8.冠词是否用得正确
例21 a) Book knowledge is important, but we should also learn something in the society.
b) Book knowledge is important, but we should also learn something in society.
用定冠词the, 是特指意义，而这里没有这个特指意义。同样，在When I was in the high school, I always have a beautiful picture of the college life 中，两个the都应去掉。
例22 a) If there were no electirc power, we would have to do everything by the hands.
b) If there were no electric power, we would have to do everything by hand.
表示用手 (by hand), 走路 (on foot), 上课 (in class), 上学 (go to school), 住院 (at hospitable)等，都不用定冠词。
例23 a) If there were no electric power, factory would stop producing goods, car, bus and train would stop running.
b) If there were no electric power, factories would stop producing goods; cars, buses and trains would stop running.
用可数名词时，要么前面有冠词(the, a, an)或代词(his, her, my), 要么以复数形成出现。不能像中文名词那样没有语法变化。
