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2013年4月6日雅思写作点评

2013-04-10 

  小作文:线图,1990-2001年期间美国、加拿大、澳大利亚移民数量比较。

  大作文:

  100 years ago, human race believed we would make continuous progress in all areas of life. Today, some people feel less certain about this. Which areas of progress has human race made? Which areas haven't we developed?

  相关题目分析:

  今天的题目和2009.05.21的题目完全相同,其实也是2周前即2013.03.23刚刚考过的题目。下面这篇范文只是在上次范文的基础上稍微改动了几个句子的说法,以便更贴切地回应题目。

  Technological progress in the past century has its negative effect, despite its remarkable contribution. To what extent do you agree or disagree?2013.3.23

  Scientific progress influences our daily life greatly. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? 10.02.27

  A hundred years ago, people thought that human race was steadily improving in every area of life. Now it seems this is not certain in that situation. In which areas do you think we have made important progress nowadays? In which areas do you think we still need to make progress? 2009.05.21

  2009.07.23 People are optimistic about 21st century and many of them think it a good opportunity to find positive changes in future. How do you think of their optimistic? What would you like to change in the 21st century?

  科技进步对中国人来说是绝对的好事,例如生活水平的提高,交流的便捷,交通发达,娱乐多元等等。但在英国和其他一些西方国家,人们会质疑科技的积极影响。自从工业革命以后环境日益恶化,能源面临枯竭;科技加快生产,也加速垃圾的产生;人们的健康水平并没有随着医疗技术的提高而变得更健康,相反,亚健康的状况大范围存在;交流增加并没有增加人们之间关系的密切和融洽,反而疏远了彼此的感情。。。

  提纲:

Progress


Not well


1 machinery, productivity

2 immediate communication

3 medical advance

4 long distance transport

5 entertainment and recreation

1 environment

2 health

3 overpopulation

  It is undeniable that technological advancement has made an unprecedented change in our human life in the last century. Nonetheless, we are not quite satisfied with some other areas, such as the environment, public health and relationship. (形式主语)

  In the 20th century, some significant inventions including jet planes, TV, cars, computers and telephones have shaped our modern life fundamentally. Long distance transportation becomes easier and increasing international communication in many aspects such as trade, cultures and technology expands our activity sphere and broadens our horizons. Our life expectancy is longer than ever before thanks to medical progress and some fatal diseases such as heart disease and breast cancer can be cured. Boosted productivity in industry and agriculture by automation has solved famine in many regions and improved our living standard dramatically. TV and the internet provide entertainments and information as well. (非谓语+对比句+并列句+被动句)

  However, it has been gradually realized that progress is needed to make in many domains of human race and the most urgent one is the environment. The earth is less livable with decreasing amount of clean water, air or arable land. Overpopulation, as a root cause of many human issues such as energy crisis, environment deterioration, animal extinction and traffic congestion, should be effectively controlled. In spite of the medical progress, the public health ironically is not getting enhanced due to modern sedentary lifestyle which features the addiction to TV, the computer and the internet. Healthy lifestyle should be encouraged with the combined efforts by the local government and education system. (形式主语+并列句+比较句+被动句 +定语从句)

  In conclusion, I personally assume that human race has made significant progress in technology. However, we are confronted with the contaminated environment and poor health. There is still long way for us to go and maybe we should not be too optimistic about science and technology development. (宾语从句+并列句)


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