- Awkward English
Praise
The below edit earned this comment from the customer:
I am so glad to hear from you this quick. The efficiency amazed me with such short time. I have to give you my most sincere thanks from my heart. Well, Thank You again, and may the best luck be with you.
Unedited Version (the "Before")
1)Discuss the factors that influenced your career decisions to date. Also discuss your career plans and why you want to obtain an MBA. 2) Describe two events in your life to date that demonstrate your ability to do well in business
1)
Since I was four years old, my father has left my mother and I for Indonesia to start his textile company. He has come back to Hong Kong once for a year. In order to enhance our relationship, we used to talk over the phone. As early as when I was Grade 8, I possessed my first computer for the main purpose of sending electronic mail to my father. From that time, using the Internet has captured most of my spare time. In the summer of 1992, I had a valuable chance of volunteering in the library to assist people using computers to look for the books or to get access on the Internet. At the same time, my father's business had been suffering from keen competition and out-dated machines for two years. He then started to automate the production line by investing in new innovated technologies, and hiring some technicians. When I visited him, the new automated production line and the whole computerized firm amused me, because this was the system that rescued my father's business. Since then, my interest in information technology has been ever growing. After I came to Canada, I even use electronic mail and ICQ to communicate with my parent, and choose MIS as my core course. I found that IT is so powerful that it not only helps companies become more competitive, but also bridges people ocean apart. This arouses my desire to work in IT industry.
Second, self-satisfaction also affects my career decision. Although monetary reward is practically important in reality, opportunity to learn and job prospect are even more crucial factors for me to be really happy and satisfied. I like learning new skills and acquiring up-dated information, because they can help me adapt the fast-changing world, enrich my experiences, explore my interest, and give me higher self-esteem as I am a valuable person. In addition, a job with a bright prospect gives me incentives to improve myself. Thus, as I become more experienced and knowledgeable, I can pursue a higher level of career and help others. This is my true happiness. For instance, I am now volunteering in an on campus organization, Job Link, in which I am responsible for posting jobs on the World Wide Web, answering questions and making information handouts. I am interested in this job because I can learn how to use a software program, can improve my interpersonal skills by answering students' questions, and can enrich my research experience. These skills are valuable because I can use them in future. I can feel myself to become more productive and knowledgeable.
